Hulk Hogan versus Lanny “The Genius” Poffo from Saturday Night’s Main Event in 1989 is one of the funniest pro wrestling matches ever.
While Hogan was the face of professional wrestling at the time, this match belongs to The Genius, Lanny Poffo. Almost all of the humor and entertainment comes from his antics (along with Jesse “The Body” Ventura on commentary).
Before we even address the match, the very idea of The Genius character itself is amusing. Like if someone had an IQ of 170 or something, obviously they would just walk around wearing a cap and gown at all times, and everything they said would rhyme, right? The idea that that’s just how a genius would behave is completely ludicrous (in a good way, of course).
The late, great Bobby Heenan is considered by many to be the greatest heel commentator in the history of professional wrestling, and I’m not here to argue with that notion. However, that doesn’t mean that Jesse Ventura wasn’t a tremendous heel commentator in his own right, and he is absolutely on fire throughout this match. This is Ventura at his best, and his commentary (in addition to its hilarity) actually plays an important role in helping the viewer understand some of the Genius’s preposterous antics throughout the match.
The match begins with the Genius approaching Hogan and offering a hand shake with his left hand (which is probably funnier to me than it should be), which is not accepted by Hogan. The Genius then performs a couple of comically exaggerated static hamstring stretches in the corner as Ventura explains that, as an athlete, this is how The Genius prepares. Like much of Ventura’s commentary (in general, but particularly in this match), this is an explanation that would be perfectly reasonable if this were an actual professional sport, and not the alternative reality that is professional wrestling. You’ll see NFL players doing all sorts of stretching on the field prior to a game, for example, but not so much pro wrestlers.
The Genius spends the first part of the match prancing around the ring and physically engaging with Hogan as little as possible. After evading a Hogan big boot attempt by grabbing the top rope and sliding out of the ring (a move that impresses even Vince McMahon), The Genius grabs his clipboard and begins to write down numbers. Ventura enthusiastically explains that The Genius is using mathematical equations to ascertain how he’s going to defeat Hogan. The equation that will lead The Genius to victory appears to be something like, “310 lbs (Hogan’s billed weight I think?)/6’8″ (Hogan’s billed height I think?) < 313 40 = HULK DOWN.”
After reentering the ring, The Genius locks up with Hogan and quickly executes a textbook arm drag takedown and then celebrates by prancing around enthusiastically. Is the implication here that The Genius’s mathematical formula worked because he briefly bested Hogan right after he created it? I’m not sure, but I’ve always chosen to interpret it this way because it’s funnier to me.
After another lockup, The Genius breaks the lock in the corner and then suddenly rears back and delivers a hard slap across Hogan’s face (and this looked legitimately hard). For some reason referee Hebner immediately positions himself in front of Hogan to prevent him from retaliating. Is there a rule I’m not aware of that the two wrestlers have to be separated after one slaps the other in the face?
Regardless, this gives the Genius the opportunity to prance around the ring some more and perform a couple of cartwheels. I have no idea how Lanny Poffo got through this entire match without breaking character. After a little while an enraged Hogan charges at The Genius and delivers a clothesline, to which an indignant Ventura responds, “What a cheap shot!” (Ventura of course had no problem with The Genius’s slap a few moments earlier).
Hogan continues to batter The Genius and imitates the way the Genius was prancing about earlier, as an angry Ventura declares, “You ain’t Nureyev, Hogan.” This line went right over my head as a child, but I later learned that Rudolf Nureyev is arguably the most celebrated ballet dancer in history. I have no idea whether Nureyev was a household name among American adults in 1989, but if not I’d find it kind of funny that Ventura was familiar with him.
The Genius then takes an atomic drop at 8:10 and hilariously waves his arm up and down with an agonized expression on his face, and then takes some more punishment. If I were offered $10,000 to watch this match from start to finish without cracking a smile I honestly don’t think I’d be able to do it.
After Mr. Perfect arrives and distracts Hogan, The Genius seizes the upper hand as Ventura reacts with elation. The Genius performs an impressive looking backflip splash from the turnbuckle at 10:05, reminding us that as funny and silly as The Genius character was, Lanny Poffo absolutely did know how to wrestle. Hogan kicks out of a pin attempt and begins Hulking up, and The Genius looks terrified. He clasps his hands over his face in a manner that reminds me of Bill Hader’s SNL character, Stefon.
Desperate to halt Hogan’s momentum, The Genius rakes Hogan’s face and then repeatedly rakes his back. An incredulous Ventura says, “Now the Genius is stooping to Hogan level!” as if he is somehow unaware that The Genius is capable of doing anything underhanded (in spite of watching the entire match up to this point). I’m not sure why The Genius thought raking the back would be effective against a man as massive and powerful as Hogan, but I digress.
Hogan then in turn starts raking the Genius’s back, as the Genius wildly flails his arms all about in agony while running around the ring. This is not only utterly hilarious, but actually good storytelling as well: that Hogan has resorted to raking his opponent’s back shows us the extent to which The Genius has frustrated Hogan (which, as Ventura had explained earlier, was part of the Genius’s game plan).
Hogan then picks up the Genius as if to body slam him down to the mat, but just throws him over the top rope onto the outside floor instead. This is also indicative of Hogan’s frustration, as this is the type of act you’d typically associate more with a villainous (or “heel”) wrestler. As such, Ventura actually sounds completely reasonable in criticizing Hogan’s actions on this one occasion.
After Hogan throws the Genius back into the ring, Mr. Perfect strikes Hogan in the head with the championship belt just before Hogan reenters the ring himself (as referee Hebner is conveniently looking in another direction). Hogan falls to the floor and is counted out, and a victorious Genius raises his arms in triumph. Mr. Perfect and The Genius flee to the back as Hogan enters the ring and charges at them (but not before the Genius makes sure to put his gown back on).
I genuinely cannot get through this match without laughing. Fittingly the character of The Genius was itself genius, and there is perhaps no greater example of that than this match. If you haven’t seen it I would definitely encourage you to check it out, and if you have it’s always worth a rewatch.